今天文章的内容,真的是很多很多写手的最大的问题,没有之一:逻辑。是的,你没有看错,也不用惊讶。大家的essay写作得分不高,很多时候不是因为语言问题。排除很多细节表达的不足,更让教授头疼的居然是:内容不合理,逻辑混乱。那么问题出在哪呢?中国留学生的essay写作在逻辑上有3类明显问题:没有逻辑,逻辑错误,逻辑抽象。问题需要怎么解决呢?
1.Essay写作没有逻辑
最典型的一种没有逻辑的作文特征是,前后文看起来写了很多,但是实际上反复围绕一个东西,正着说,反着说,说来说去,都是一个意思。
既然是论证开展,更应该写的是“展开”,而不是同意替换。比如下面的段落:
Compared with parents,teachers are more experienced,essay writing service on report.lxws.net,so they could have more influence on children’s growth.This is primarily because parents,especially new parents do not have any experience in teaching children;by contrast,teachers have been teaching children for years,so they could play a more important role in the development of the young.Therefore,it is doubtless that kids would be affected more by the instructors at school instead of the closest family members at home.
这个段有78个单词,看起来不短,也几乎每句话都在说老师比家长更有经验这个论点。但是,如果你仔细去理解,每句话的意思几乎一模一样,只是换了很多不同的方式去表达。
就好像要论证:周杰伦是天王。论据是:因为他是天王的最佳人选,他比别人更值得这个称号,他有很多天王具备的优点,几乎没有人比他更天王了。
忍住,别打小编。很多留学生就是这样写的。
2.Essay写作逻辑错误
这个更好理解,就是前后文无关,甚至相互冲突,比如下面的句子片段:
Online shopping is convenient,so consumers waste more time selecting from a wide range of goods.
前文说网购方便,是积极描述,后面却说浪费了时间。(自行脑补黑人问号脸)
Medical service is unaffordable to somepeople,due to their indifference to regular exercise.
这里的医疗贵和后面的不运动,也是牛头不对马嘴。都是跟健康大话题相关,但是实际上却没有逻辑联系。
3.Essay写作逻辑抽象
这类问题比较隐蔽,因为表面上来看,不算写错了,但是确实没有构成足够有说服力的展开内容,最后出现烂尾。比如:
Wild animals should be protected,since they are important.
很多东西都重要,我也很重要,为啥不保护我呢?(可能我跟熊猫还是有差距——体重的差距)。
所以,important这个描述太概括和抽象,无法支撑起一个合理的论点。
People in senior management positions should get higher salaries because they contribute more to the company.
同理,他们怎么就贡献更多了呢?赶紧说清楚呀。
以上问题对应的破解方法:
Essay写作没有逻辑:避免过度重复关键词
同学们要多多重复关键词,体现内容的切题性。但是,从论证展开的角度,除了重复之外,更多应该是相关,但是不完全一样。
可能更加细致一些,或者是对于关键词的一些阐释,而不是一模一样的复制粘贴。
比如:
Compared with parents,teachers are more experienced,so they could have more influence on children’s growth.This is primarily because parents,especially new parents do not have any experience in teaching children,which means that they could not,for example,immediately and effectively understand the behavior and emotion of the young and thus react appropriately and patiently.By contrast,teachers have learned professional knowledge about how to effectively communicate with youngsters and have accumulative skills in responding to the needs of students.In this sense,the impressionable young would be more likely to follow the instruction of teachers and to subconsciously imitate the behavioral patterns of their teachers in school instead of the closest family members at home,who never seem to be empathic.
相较于上文中的错误示范,这次替换和加入了很多一些细节:新家长在哪些方面力不从心,老师的经验是什么,孩子怎么就被老师影响了,父母怎么就不理解孩子了。
Essay写作逻辑错误:注意褒贬和相关性
如果是完全冲突的逻辑,则把前后的褒贬统一一下,不要用褒义的内容去支持消极的论点,反之亦然。
Online shopping is convenient,so consumers waste more time selecting from a wide range of goods.
可以改成:
Online shopping is convenient,but consumers waste more time selecting from a wide range of goods.
Online shopping is convenient,so consumers save more time selecting from a wide range of goods.
Online shopping provides consumers with too much information and too many choices,so consumers waste more time selecting from a wide range of goods.
如果前后完全不相关,就增加相关性,找到真正同属性的内容去分析和论证。
Medical service is unaffordable to some people,due to their indifference to regular exercise.
改成:
Medical service is unaffordable to some people,due to the wide use of modern technology in medical treatment which is responsible for a soaring cost of diagnosis and surgery….
The health of the general public is decreasing,due to people's indifference to regular exercise….
Essay写作逻辑抽象:增加细节
这种比较好解决(吧…),就是多问自己几个wh-问题,比如why?what?how?之类的,把具体的细节都加进去。说正式一点,就是解释说明、举例论证、对比论证。同学们还可以参考《留学生essay写作中切忌滥用逻辑连接词》这篇文章。
一定要把这些过于抽象的词汇,解释到连幼稚园的小孩子都听得懂的地步,那就真的讲得足够清楚了。
Wild animals should be protected,since they are important.
可添加细节包括但不仅限于:
they contribute to the sustainability of the ecosystem/the balance of the food chain/they are on the verge of extinction/some of them have scientific value
People in senior management positions should get higher salaries because they contribute more to the company.
可添加细节包括但不仅限于:
they make strategic decisions for the company/they manage more employees/they need to maintain the productivity of all staff/they need to deal with more complex tasks/they are responsible for the current revenue and future development of the company/they are irreplaceable/they have more experience and can create more profit for the company